Flavor Flav is determined to get back on television. First, there were discussions of a talk show. Then came a short-lived sitcom. After that was talk of a bowling-themed show. Now, Flav wants to try the educational angle in his latest pitch for a new show.

This actually isn’t the first time he has discussed going back to high school. He said he wanted to get his GED back in October 2009. Of course, he’s been keeping busy in other ways – like starting a fried chicken franchise and a liquor line.

Flav says he dropped out of school in the 10th grade, which is what led him to pitch the show, called Flavor Flav Goes Back to High School. The show would take place in Clinton, Iowa, where he opened his first Flav’s Fried Chicken restaurant a month ago. Flav has already approached a local school superintendent and school-board member to get them on the bandwagon.

I can’t, I won’t and neither should you.

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Flavor Flav’s dream of selling fried chicken to the masses has begun.

Indeed, the rapper and reality star has opened his first Flav’s Fried Chicken restaurant in Clinton, Iowa. Of course, this naturally has spawned several living nightmares for others but maybe a two-piece dinner will make things right.

Here’s the word on the bird:

The 51-year-old, whose real name is William Drayton Jr., hopes to open hundreds of fried chicken joints called Flav’s Fried Chicken, or FFC, that could compete with KFC. Flavor Flav graduated from cooking school in 1978 and worked as a head cook in several restaurants.

“You’re going to find me in here working,” Flavor Flav told the Clinton Herald newspaper.

“You’re going to be catching me seasoning my chicken, flouring my chicken, frying up my chicken, and not only that, but serving my chicken to my people. The taste will blow up your taste buds. You’ll have fireworks in there.”

Flavor Flav, who is known for sporting a clock around his neck and who has been the subject of a Comedy Central Roast, has also been keeping busy with his autobiography, “Flavor Flav: The Icon.” The book is set for release in the late spring.

Well, considering that he actually graduated from culinary school I suppose you can’t be too bad at him opening up a restaurant. And really, it’s Flavor Flav – you knew he wasn’t going to open a sushi spot.

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Rapper and reality star Flavor Flav has announced his latest business ventures: A fried chicken fast-food chain and a line of liquor.

Flav has been working on his line, Le Flav Spirits, and hopes to have his booze on the market early 2011.

On the line he said:

“I want you all to keep on the look out. It should be on the shelves by January… I’m coming out with a cherry vodka, a berry vodka, an olive vodka, a sweet tea vodka, a bubblegum vodka and a grape vodka. Also, I’m coming out with Le Flav Cognac and Chateaux Le Flav, which will be some bubbly [champagne].”

As for his fried chicken line (to go with your sweet tea vodka, no doubt), Flav added:

“Y’all heard of KFC, right? Well this is FFC, Flav’s Fried Chicken.”

It may take a nation of millions to hold us back, but what do we have to say about one man and an infinite number of wings?

Well, I will say one thing nice about Flavor Flav’s venture: The chicken will likely be good.

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Flavor Flaaaaaav! Yeaaaah boi!

Sorry. I couldn’t resist. Anyway, Flavor Flav is coming back to the tube. I know, we reported last year that he was coming back to TV with some high school show. Nothing ever came of the show as far as we know. But that’s TV. However, you can’t keep a good character down. Whether you like Flavor Flav or not, he makes for great TV and is pretty much responsible for the [insert d-lister's name here] of Love craze all the way down to  Ray J and Ohocinco. Of course he’s coming back to TV!

This time around Flavor Flav will be featured on a celebrity bowling show entitled, Stars and Strikes. He will join Terrell Owens, Shannon Elizabeth, Tim Conway and Dan Ortese for the program that pairs audience members and celebrities for a bowling match.

The shenanigans will take place at Los Angeles’ Lucky Strike bowling alley and audience members will win prizes if his or her celeb triumphs.

The network and schedule have not been figured out yet but the program is set to debut in the spring.

This could be interesting but I’m ready for Flav to get his own show again. (Don’t judge me).
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I was never very fond of New York’s personality but I watched her shows—all of them—even that awful New York Goes to Work. I watched consistently, like the reality TV junkie that I am (don’t judge me), because I couldn’t turn away from her awesomely bad foolery.

I am very fond of Snooki (I said don’t judge me! By the way, I hate Domino’s Pizza). There, I admitted it, I watched Jersey Shore. If it’s any consolation, I resisted temptation for most of the season, even after news of the infamous punching incident spread like wildfire, but then, one boring Sunday afternoon I turned on MTV and behold, a marathon. Now that the season is over, there’s already buzz about Snooki getting her own show. It’s still being shopped around but it’s tentatively titled, Snooking For Love. I couldn’t help but think had it not been for New York, Snooki might not have that opportunity but Snooki is definitely the bigger diva. Let’s break it down.

New York

Bio: Tiffany “New York” Pollard made her debut on season one of Flavor of Love as the difficult, eye-rolling, cat fighting, cursing-chicks-out left and right contestant who became a show standout. She made it to the end but didn’t get picked. When Flavor of Love 2 came to the tube, she was invited back to compete again only to suffer the same fate ,but it ended up working in her favor because she got three of her own spin-off shows.

Style: New York was fond of massive makeup, tacky clothing (Read: mall couture) and big barrel curls. She also had ridiculously massive fake breasts that only emphasized her garish appearance.

Divatude: She suffers from a false sense of flyness.

Defining Moment(s): New York had several defining moments. She got spit on in season one of Flavor of Love, mooned Flavor Flav in season two, got embarrassed on national TV when what she thought was an engagement was called off and has had several arguments—most significantly, the one where Deelishis attempted to beat her down during a Flavor of Love reunion special. It’s surprising that she has never actually been punched (at least not on TV).

Man Eater Quotient: She fancied herself a man eater but always ended up being the one who got played.

Likability Factor: She’s not likable—and yes, she’s a walking stereotype, but she’s entertaining.

Snooki

Bio: Nicole “Snooki” (aka Snook aka Snickers aka any other variation you can think of) Polizzi is the self-proclaimed “Guidette” from Poughkeepsie, New York who debuted on Jersey Shore and stole the show. When it came to outshining the cast, she was an unlikely character; however, there was something about her that people couldn’t help but love.

Style: Her style was very, er, Peggy Bundy sans the excess leopard print (although there was some at times) and she had orange skin from over-tanning (not cute). Being short and squat didn’t stop her from wearing tight clothing, parading around in scant bikinis and underwear (hence the hot tub incident), and let’s not forget her signature bouffant hairstyle that made Bump It stocks shoot through the roof.

Divatude: Snooki was short, but she had no qualms about speaking her mind and telling people straight where to go. 

Defining Moment(s): The show barely got to air before news of the infamous incident where she got socked in the face by a man in a bar spread over the web and TV news like wildfire, but it didn’t stop there. She got attacked by two random girls who stopped by the Jersey Shore house to visit some of her male roommates because she spoke her mind about the fact that she didn’t want them there (ie, she kicked them out). And when “The Situation” insulted her weight because she called out his jackass behavior, she revealed that she had struggled with an eating disorder throughout her high school years. Basically, Snooki kept it real. It may have gotten her beat up (mentally and physically) a lot, but being silent is even worse, so props to Snickers.

Man Eater Quotient: Her sole purpose at the shore was to find a man, but that never seemed to work out. Between one of her guys getting drunk and throwing up next to her while on a couch, accidentally hitting on a gay guy on a date (who eventually walked away from her when his date came to regulate) and discovering that another crush of hers had been celibate for several years and didn’t plan to break that any time soon, her dating situations were always fails.

Likability Factor: Again, Snooki kept it real. According to Italian American advancement groups, all of the Jersey Shore kids represented negative stereotypes. But Snooki always stayed true to who she was—spandex, bouffant, loose lips and all—and didn’t care who liked it or not.

Winner: Snooki, hands down! I now pronounce Snooki the Realest Reality TV Diva!

Just when you think it’s safe to continue watching reality TV, Flavor Flav gets more ideas. He recently told All Hip Hop that he was working on a new reality TV show, a talk show and going back to high school. There were no further details so I’m not sure if he’s tackling each as an individual project or a packaged deal. However, the most appealing option to me (since he’s done the reality TV thing ad nauseam) would be a talk show.

This is what I imagine the first week on air would be like for The Flavor Flav Show (Yeaaaaaah boi!).

- Monday

In this inaugural episode, Flav decides to go back to his Reality TV roots and rights some previous wrongs in the universe. He reunites Tiffany “New York” Pollard and Pumkin so that they can work out their differences. This sounds like work cut out for Dr. Phil but Flavor Flav is no biter. Instead of hiring Dr. Phil or another high-priced quack, Flav appoints Chicago Larry as his resident love doctor. Ratings shoot through the roof as even Chicago Larry can’t resolve the conflict with his soothing, “Hey pretty girl,” and the episode ends in shoe flying weave pulling madness.

-Tuesday

After yesterday’s drama, Flavor Flav focuses more on his hip-hop beginnings. The self-proclaimed “greatest hype man in history”  dedicates an entire show to the art of moving the crowd. Today’s “How to Be a Hype Man” guide features tutorials by Memphis Bleek, Tony Yayo, Lil’ Cease and Spliff Star, who will feature topics like “How to Project Into a Microphone,” “The Art of Pacing a Stage on Beat,” and “How to Get the Crowd to Wave Their Hands on Command.” There will even be a tribute performance in honor of fallen hype men, Freaky Tah and Proof. This show will be groundbreaking because for many of the featured hype men, it’s the first time they’ve ever been seen in public not following their mentors around.

-Wednesday

Today’s episode delves into the dark world of angry babymamas. “When Babymamas Attack” offers insight into what makes bm’s mad and how to avoid public altercations and lawsuits. Flavor Flav will sit down with Eddie Griffin, and the pair will trade tips on how they keep from going destitute, manage to remember all their children’s names, and ward off their bellicose ex flames who are connected to them for the rest of their lives.

-Thursday

In a sudden twist of events, fed up producers invite Chuck D and Spike Lee to run an intervention for Flav’s continued buffoonery on TV. The intervention doesn’t go well thanks to a surprise appearance from Brigitte Nielsen (aka Gita), resulting in Chuck D and Spike Lee walking off set.

-Friday

Flavor Flav chooses to promote new music instead of inviting a guest. Before previewing songs, he announces The Flavor Flav Show is suddenly canceled due to undisclosed circumstances. Maybe Reality TV would have been a better move. I guess we’ll see him go back to school after all.

Sure this was all fiction, but was I really that off? Would you watch anymore Flavor Flav TV or should he give it up?

Picture from The Urban Daily

Flavor Flav has graduated from the reality TV realm and moved toward horror. Well…horror in the more traditional sense because the thought of dating (or even touching him) always scared me, but I digress. He is hosting a new TV series called Nite Tales. Nite Tales is based on the BET movie (also hosted by Flav) released last year (now on DVD).

The movie featured a series of vignettes a la Tales From the Hood meets Tales from the Crypt and did so well that they’ve decided to put it on the tube. Flavor Flav is the self-proclaimed “new Crypt Keeper.” I’ve always seen the resemblance (just picture the Crypt Keeper wearing a giant clock around his neck).

Check him out as he elaborates (in that special Flav way) in an interview with Dime Wars.

Notorious mama’s boy, Frank “The Entertainer” Moresco has finally gotten his own show. According to Cynopsis, Vh1 picked up 10 one hour episodes scheduled to premier in 2010. We first met him on I Love New York where he picked up notoriety as the 30-something man living in his parent’s basement. From there he went on to lose twice, on both seasons of I Love Money, so it makes sense that he got his own show. Watching him interract with castmates and his family was rather entertaining, no pun intended. The premise of his show revolves around life from mom and dad’s basement bachelor pad. I’m in. And to think, this is yet another show spawned by Flavor Flav’s Vh1 legacy.

It’s actually more than six degrees but numero seis sounded catchier for the title of this post. Basically, I saw some commercials for New York’s forthcoming reality show, for the first time last weekend, and realized that Flavor Flav is single-handedly responsible for about 90% of Vh1’s reality TV shows. Let’s track his reality TV journey and see how it all began…

The Surreal Life

Flavor Flav was pulled from the depths of “where are they now” (the rap edition) and featured on season three of The Surreal Life. In a bizarre twist of events, he developed a relationship with 80s model Brigitte Nielsen and viewers couldn’t keep their eyes off the disaster. In fact, the pair was so fascinating that they got their own show:

Strange Love

And this, my friends, is when we officially thought that Flavor Flav had jumped the shark. However, the joke was on us. Brigitte Nielsen broke Flav’s heart, leaving him susceptible to the cunning wits of Vh1 producers, who convinced him to let them help his search for love on national TV. Hence, Flavor of Love was born and lasted for three seasons, until Flav finally decided that he wanted to make a relationship work with the mother of his youngest child.

Flavor of Love (season two’s cast photographed)

The break-out star from Flavor of Love was of course, Tiffany Pollard aka New York. After being strung along and eventually heartbroken by Flav twice, she got her own crack at finding love with:

I love New York (season one’s cast photographed)

New York thought she scored with Tailor Made by the end of season two and moved on to another show, New York Goes to Hollywood, which isn’t featured in this blog, but definitely gets honorable mention because without Flav, there would be no New York. She broke up with Tailor Made on NY Goes to Hollywood and was offered a third season of I Love New York, but declined. However, residual from I Love New York lingered. Break out stars “Real” and “Chance” were brothers competing for Tiff’s love and actually came close to winning NY’s heart.

Real Chance of love

They were such outstanding personalities, that once again, Vh1 struck gold with another spin off and are currently casting for season two. Whatever happened to those Flavor Flav girls? They appalled Black women in America so much that comedienne Mo’Nique made it her mission to help them learn etiquette and become respectable women.

Charm School

Although there was no reform school for the unruly men on New York’s dating show, everyone was brought together on I Love Money.

I Love Money

Technically, For the Love of Ray J and Rock of Love should also get honorable mention, as should Daisy of Love because these shows would not exist had it not been for the success of our giant clock laden, viking hat wearing friend. He provided the prototype for these types of shows, which also proved that viewers like to watch train wrecks whether it’s a guilty pleasure or point of pride. Thanks Flavor Flav, for fueling reality TV addictions all accross America.

 I’ve been following Saaphyri Windsor’s reality TV journey since she was booted from the first episode of Flavor of Love Season 2 for fighting “H-Town” over a bed. Sistas everywhere (myself included) were mortified by her behavior but the hood chick from “54th and Crenshaw” redeemed herself a few months later on season one of Charm School. She proved that she could behave like a classy mature lady and won $100,000. I rooted for her, and was excited when she won because it seemed deserving. But can she do it again?My favorite ghetto fabulous reality TV star is back on the tube in I Love Money 2 and this time around, etiquette gets the boot. Of course, she’ll revive her hood tendencies, especially because money is at stake. I can’t wait to see what outbursts and meltdowns ensue. The third episode airs tonight. Yes! Is it totally sad that I get off on watching dysfunctional TV?Anyway, will Saaphyri win the second time around? With Charm School, it was more about progression and evolution. I Love Money is another ballpark. Sure, she has what it takes to win a shouting match, but is she cunning enough to weasel her way to the prize money? I’m a little skeptical. I think she’ll have a heart attack in the middle of cursing someone out first. What do you think? Check out I Love Money 2 tonight at 9PM EST on Vh1.